Okay, expecting first-time mamas, here we go! I am going to try to summarize my thoughts in a concise manner, which can be difficult for me, because I know you are probably hearing advice all of the time and I am not trying to be a know-it-all or pushy with these thoughts. I simply wanted a place where I could share my advice to all first time mamas, if you choose to read it, great! If not, because you are already being bombarded with advice, I understand that too.
I wanted to start off by saying there is a reason I didn’t even think about Canadian Mom Recommends until my twin boys were over a year, because the first year of babyhood is all consuming! You are just doing the best you can, and when you get to the other side of that 1st year of life, you look back at it in amazement and wonder how did I just do that?!
Alright, now time for my concise pieces of advice! Haha.
#1 – Sleep when the baby sleeps
I know, I know. I’m sure you hear this one a lot but honestly it is so true. When your baby is sleeping in a safe spot (their bassinet or crib) then you should sleep too! Forget everything else and just sleep, at least for a little bit.
#2 – Prioritize teaching your baby how to sleep
Speaking of sleep, sleep is one of the most important parts of your baby’s 1st year of life and you need to be prepared and knowledgeable on what that is going to look like and how to teach your baby to sleep well. On that note, please refer to my 2 blog posts “Baby Sleep Tips from a Mom of 3, with Twins!” and “Teaching Your Little One to Sleep”, this where I go more in depth on my thoughts on baby sleep.
#3 – Use a sleep monitoring device
I used an Owlet Sock with all 3 of my babies and I truly believe it allowed me to sleep better. The Owlet Sock monitors your baby’s oxygen level and heart rate and alerts you if there are any concerns. Knowing that I would be alerted if there was an issue, allowed me to actually sleep in peace, instead of checking for my baby’s breathing every 5 minutes.
#4 – Introduce a Pacifier & a Bottle
I recommend introducing a pacifier and a bottle once nursing is established (if you are nursing that is). A pacifier can be such a helpful soothing strategy in those first few months of life. I do recommend getting rid of the pacifier around 3-4 months of age because this is when babies start to lose the sucking reflex so when their pacifier falls out during deep sleep, they then start waking up more and needing you to replace the pacifier for them. Once this starts happening, it’s time to take the pacifier away.
I recommend introducing a bottle, even if nursing is going well, within the first month or so, just so you know that your baby can take a bottle if needed. If you are nursing, just pump a little bit of extra milk every few days and offer a bottle every other day or so, to make sure and maintain that your baby will be able to drink from a bottle. This personally gave me piece of mind because then I knew if god forbid an emergency happened and I was not able to be there to nurse my baby, then I knew they would be okay to drink from a bottle. It is also a great bonding experience for your baby and your partner! As I said above, babies lose the instinctual sucking reflex after first few months, so if you wait and try to introduce a bottle later on (once the sucking reflex is gone) you could have a lot more difficulty.
#5 – Don’t be afraid of a good car nap
The car is your friend, or at least make it that way. I made sure to expose all my babies to longer drives in the car all throughout the 1st year of their lives, so that they got used to sleeping in the car and for them to realize the car is a safe place. My daughter is now 4 and my boys are almost 1.5, and they all do so well in the car. If I know my boys are tired and we are driving, they will quickly fall asleep because the car is a familiar sleeping environment for them. Even my daughter will still take a nap in the car if she is tired!
#6 – I personally found months 3-6 to be the hardest
Here is the thing, I found months 3-6 to be the hardest for me, but everyone is going to have a different experience! In my experience, months 3-6 hard because they are no longer in a sleepy newborn fog and sleep can become more tricky at this age. You as the mom are still so physically demanded of because they can’t move around on their own yet, you are their arms and legs, which can be very tiring. Once my babies started crawling and could get their own toys and go explore, I found it to be so much easier on me, physically.
#7 – Stock up on quick high protein snacks and meals for yourself
When you have a chance to eat, you want to make sure you are eating lots of protein packed snacks and meals, and you need these snacks and meals to be ready to go since you may not have a lot of time to actually prepare the food. Having a freezer stashed with frozen meals is so helpful!
#8 – Your house may be a mess and that is okay
Please remind yourself that this is a season and your #1 priority is resting and nurturing your baby. When you have the time/energy/or if someone else is there to help, then do the quick major things first, like running the dishwasher, grabbing groceries, or throwing in a load of laundry.
#9 – Take a shower or bath when you feel overwhelmed
If you are having a hard day, make time to take a shower or a bath. It always helped me get out of my funk. I kept a baby container in the bathroom in order to do just this whenever I needed to. For the first 6 months or so, I kept a baby bouncer in the bathroom and then once my babies got bigger, I would then switch it over to an activity center. My twin boys are 16 months now and I still have 2 activity centers in my bathroom, for this very reason.
#10 – Get outside
Some days it may be impossible to get outside, and that’s okay, it happens. But try to get out for at least a daily walk as much as you can, it makes the world of a difference!
#11 – Self-care doesn’t need to be fancy but do something for yourself!
I know there will be times you are just getting through the day and don’t have a minute for yourself. But when you can! Take even just 20 minutes to yourself and do something for you – take a nap, take a bath, read a book, scroll on your phone, whatever fills your tank! Please please please, don’t feel guilty about taking this time for yourself. You are literally on mama duty 24/7, you more than deserve taking a 30 minute bath, even if it means the baby might be crying with your partner, they will figure it out and they will be okay.
#12 – Try to not be a shadow as your partner is also trying to figure it all out
In the same vein as the previous piece of advice. Please give your partner and your baby space to figure it out, without you stepping in or watching from the sidelines. Trust me, I am guilty of this, I still am, but I was especially guilty of this with our first born. I know it can be hard because of your mama anxiety and you want to jump in and help, but when you can, try to step back. It is so important to give your partner time to figure it out as well.
#13 – Stay aware of your thoughts and feelings
Try to stay in check with how you are doing. If you are really struggling and things are getting dark and scary please tell your partner or close family member or friend. Reach out to a professional if needed. It is completely normal to struggle and feel overwhelmed when sleep deprived while figuring out your whole new all consuming role as a mama and this can lead to some scary thoughts. This is completely normal but doesn’t get talked about enough. I struggled with intrusive thoughts with my first born, even though it was so so hard to tell my husband about it, when I finally did it was so helpful. If you know ahead of time that you may struggle, then set up the supports ahead of time with a therapist or weekly check-ins with your partner, etc.
#14 – Trust your mama instincts
If you mama instinct is trying to tell you something, listen to it, it is usually right.
#15 – Take all advice with a grain of salt
As a first time mom, you are going to be getting people giving you advice left, right, and center. At a certain point it becomes overwhelming. Just remember that every single journey into motherhood is different and you can do your best to be prepared but at a certain point you just have to figure out what specifically works best for you and your baby.
If you have made it this far, I am honoured you have read my advice, truly I am, and in conclusion I would like to say:
Some days you will just be in pure survival mode, which is totally okay. But on the days when you feel like you are thriving, try your best to be as present as you can and take lots of pictures! Because even though it seems like an eternity when you are in it, the 1st year goes by in a blink of an eye and before you know it you are going to have a toddler walking around and pulling at your leg for toys and snacks!
Your whole world is about to change, which is scary and exciting all at the same time, let yourself feel all the feelings and just know that even on the days when it feels impossible, you will get through and everything will be okay, you got this! I am so excited for you! Being a mom is the hardest thing you will ever do, but it also the best thing you will ever do.
